Washington, D.C. – Disgraced comedian Bill Cosby was released from prison after Pennsylvania’s highest court overturned his sexual assault conviction, saying the actor’s due process rights were violated. Upon release the former Jello spokesman was immediately offered a job with the White House.
“President Biden has been extremely busy trying to remember how pants work. He’s barely had any time to creep out women in the oval office by offering them shoulder massages.” White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki said at a recent press conference.
Cosby, the man once known as “America’s Dad”, didn’t waste any time starting his new job. He came right up behind Psaki and begin taking a deep whiffs of her red hair.
“Cherry Jell-O puddin’ pops. Flibble flabble! I’m ready to sniff and snaffle the hippity happle!” Cosby blurted to a room full of confused reporters. Biden and Cosby then started to whisper at each other in what can only be called a gibberish off.
“Hey man. Corn pop and the stuff. You know the thing!” Biden stammered.
“Weeble wobble, Theo and Rudy.” Cosby responded in kind.
Reporters were quick to praise President Biden’s bold decision on prison reform and call this a win for the unfair systematic treatment of the African-American community.
After the press conference Biden and Cosby took turns sniffing Vice President Kamala Harris’ hair and calling her Claire Huxtable.