Anaheim, CA – Disneyland has announced that they are rebranding some of their classic rides to be more inclusive and help teach toddlers about the LGBTQIA+ community.
“I can’t think of a better place than a family theme park for your child to learn about sexuality and gender identity.” Disney CEO, Bob Chapek, explained. “Our imagineers can’t wait to get their hands on your toddlers to teach them about the complexities of ‘queer theory’ which has always been Walt’s dream!”
Chapek then revealed Disneyland’s rebranded attractions:
- Big Thunder Mountain is now Brokeback Thunder Mountain: Inspired by the 2005 film, Brokeback Mountain, this roller-coaster features beautiful phallic shaped topography.
- It’s A Small World is now It’s a Ball World: This classic family ride is centered around a trans-man’s journey as he learns what it’s like to get ‘kicked in the nuts’.
- Peter Pan’s Flight is now Peterless Pansexual’s Flight: This updated ride will showcase a gender-blind trans-woman’s bottom surgery while she battles societal norms and slut-shamers.
- Alice In Wonderland is now Alex in Wonder Gland: A live action show that will give your child an appreciation of the reproductive glands that produce seminal fluid. *Wear a poncho– you will get wet!
- Matterhorn is now Matterhorny: The Abominable Snowman is replaced by a Blue Haired Feminist who calls you a bigot for not being attracted to your own gender.
- The Enchanted Tiki Room: The animatronic singing and dancing birds we all love have been replaced by a parrot that re-educates your child on gender pronouns and the evils of white privilege.