Houston, TX – As gas prices and inflation surge to an all time high and Americans struggle to fill up their tanks, gas stations are now adding a new payment option; organ donation.
“People are feeling the pain at the pump and now they can literally feel the pain by donating their useless kidney.” The CEO of Shell announced. “We’re killing two birds with one kidney stone by working closely with the black market, who pays primo dollars for lungs, pancreases, livers and more. It’s a win-win situation for all.”
“I choose to drive a gas guzzler instead of an electric car so I have no one to blame but myself.” A woman having one of her lungs removed at pump 6 lamented.
“Luckily, I only had to fill up my lawnmower so I got away with donating just a small section of my intestine.” Another man excitedly shared.
The president of Shell then explained the process: “You simply select your organ(s), sign a form and after surgery we give you a voucher for 10 gallons of gas and a 12 oz. Dasani water. Most people don’t take the water.”
The CEO closed the presser by announcing a Loyalty Rewards Punch Card, in which customers who donate 5 organs get their windows squeegeed for free.