San Diego, CA – Pharmaceutical giant Pfizer has jumped into the seltzer game by introducing 4 delicious flavors of the Covid-19 vaccine called VAXXED. “People are nervous about the vaccine.” Pfizer CEO, Albert Bourla, announced. “And since hard seltzers are all the rage we thought we’d create a better way to get your vaxx on!”
VAXXED will come in 4 different variants: Original Virus, Delta Berry, Omicron Orange and Non-Alcoholic for Kids.
“It’s the perfect poolside cocktail.” Bourla said while explaining the recipe. “We mixed 1 part carbonated water, 1 part natural flavors, 4 parts Covid-19 vaccine, and all parts fun! Hell yeah, bro!” The CEO then shotgunned an entire can and crushed it on his forehead.
“Oh snap, I forgot to tell you the secret.” He added whilst cracking open a fresh one. “The secret ingredient is…love! Also potassium chloride, monobasic phosphate, dibasic sodium dihydrate…yadda yadda yadda…WOOHOOO! I. Am. Faded!”
As Bourla threw-up in a potted plant, VAXXED head of marketing explained, “The lockdowns created a spike in alcohol consumption so if you’re gonna get your buzz on then why not do it safely with VAXXED at your next virtual party!”
Pfizer then announced that they are also working on Booster Shot Whiskey, which will be made out of leftover fermented Johnson &Johnson Vaccines that nobody wants.