Cambridge, MA – In a groundbreaking new discovery, a team of the top virologist confirmed that our bodies will soon be comprised of 70% Covid-19 vaccine.
Pfizer, who commissioned the study, was over the moon from the results. “This is fantastic news for our shareholders…I mean patients!” Albert Bourla the CEO of the pharmaceutical company exclaimed at a board meeting.
The findings were welcome news to the Biden White House who is excited about keeping the country locked down for a few more decades to “slow the spread.”
“With monthly booster shots becoming mandatory, we’re on track to almost having this virus licked in the next 30 years.” House Majority leader, Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.), excitedly shared. “Before we know it, we’ll be back to living normal lives…in government subsidized housing.”
The results where questioned when it was revealed that lab rats were prone to death once their body surpassed a vaccine level of 10%. Pfizer assured the detractors that the rats that died were “anti-vaxx Floridian rodents who refused to practice social distancing.”