Hollywood, CA – In light of the public cancellation of writer Lin Manuel Miranda for not making In The Heights inclusive enough, TMZ has reported that E.T. director, Steven Spielberg, has a gathered a room full of Hollywood’s top writers to help craft the perfect apology before his remake of the classic musical West Side Story hits the big screen.
“C’mon people, I need more buzzwords! Just saying sorry isn’t good enough!” Head writer, Larry Kurtzenberg, screamed to a room full of veteran screenwriters. “Combined we have over 20 Oscars, 4 Emmy’s and 2 CableACE awards – and you’re telling me we can’t come up with one good apology that offends no one?!” He emphatically added whilst pointing to a white board that had the word “sorry” written in over 30 different languages.
“When Steven decided to direct a film about race relations between Puerto Rican’s and whites we knew we’d have to be prepared,” An insider close to the Jaws director revealed. “But when Steven kept referring to the Puerto Rican’s as Mexican’s while wearing a sombrero and doing an impression of Speedy Gonzales we knew we had a problem.”
Spielberg wasn’t available for comment but neighbors said they overheard the director yell at his gardeners, “If I can survive the steaming turd Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, my legacy is untouchable bitches!” He then drove away cackling, “Arriba, arriba…andale, andale!”
Twitter has already started a campaign to cancel his apology because the ‘apology writers’ aren’t diverse enough.