It’s St. Paddy’s Day! The last remaining holiday where you can wear a stereotypical costume and get wasted without being accused of cultural appropriation. I’m looking at YOU, Cinco de Mayo!
With that said, if you want to forget about inflation, Russia, China, Biden or Kamala Harris’ cackling laugh — then here are 5 Irish-inspired drinks from the alcoholics at Melmac News:
1. Officer McGillicuddy’s Serious Cider
In the 1920s Irish cops hated black people but ironically loved getting blacked-out drunk. Today, black people hate Irish cops. It’s time to unify! White people, find a black friend and get blacked-out together! 1-part Hennessy, 2-parts fermented potatoes and all parts regret.
2. Irish Drinking Problem
When the liberals are done calling everything racists they’re sure to come after this drinks namesake. Little do they know the origin of this cocktail comes from a fact in Wikipedia: The Irish are drunks. 1-part Baileys, 1-part cream, 12-parts ‘any alcohol you can find’.
3. Alcoholics Ale (AA):
The Newsweek review says it all: “AMAZING! Ireland’s AA (Alcoholics Ale) is a tasty, yet subtle brew made from Galloway’s local hops, spring water, whiskey, vodka, bourbon, gin, moonshine, rum, moonshine, whiskey, moonshine, and more moonshine. I can’t feel my face.”
4. Better Than Urine Beer
If you’re short on cash, but still hope to abuse your liver, ‘Better Than Urine‘ is the perfect solution. Sure, it’s technically Pabst Blue Ribbon with green dye #3 served in a plastic cup with a Shamrock sticker, but after 12 of them, you won’t care.
5. Paddy’s Pond Water
This isn’t really so much of a drink, as more of where you’ll wake up after following our St. Patrick’s Day drinking list. This pond water is NOT better than urine because it is urine.
Remember, you’re Irish today so your Blood Alcohol level should be Dublin!