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White House Introduces ‘Front-Of-The-Line’ Pass For Upcoming Bread Lines

Washington, D.C. – The Biden administration has announced a new 2-Tier Bread Line system in an effort to ease American’s concerns over the impending food shortages.

“Listen man, we have plenty of bread. Bread for everyone.” President Biden mumbled at a press conference.”White bread. Brown bread. Banana bread. Remember the Gingerbread Man? And the Muffin Man? Down on Drury Lane, man! You know that damn thing! I wrote the bill!”

As Biden’s voice trailed off, press secretary Jen Psaki stepped up to clear the confusion. “We simply took a page from how other wonderful places deal with long lines like Disneyland and Cuba.” Psaki excitedly added. “Long lines are a great thing. It means that people really want whatever the thing is they’re in line for!”

The White House then laid out their plan. A Standby Line for white cis-gendered people and a Fast Pass Line for underrepresented people of color. The administration confirmed that, although “both lines are separate, we can assure you that both lines are equal.”

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