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“The White House Is Absolutely Not Colluding With Facebook” Says New Press Secretary Mark Zuckerberg

Washington, D.C. – Amid concerns that the Biden administration is colluding with big tech to silence Americans, the White House has fired Press Secretary Jen Psaki.

“When Jen Psaki said the White House is flagging problematic Facebook posts that spread disinformation… she was wrong”, newly hired Press Secretary Mark Zuckerberg said at a press conference. “I can assure you, we are not colluding with that amazing company to censor Americans. That is fake news! And we will delete all Facebook posts that say otherwise.” he added while slamming his hand on the podium.

“Wait. Aren’t you Facebooks chairman, chief executive officer, and controlling shareholder?” A reporter timidly asked from the back.

“That’s what makes me the best person for the job!” Zuckerberg confidently answered. “We’re going to make sure the internet is a warm and fuzzy place and put a stop to pesky, hurtful things like different opinions and alternate ideas.”

“We agree with everything you say so we’re okay with that!” A reporter said as others cheered. “My nana is an anti-vaxxer! She must be stopped!” Another screamed.

Zuckerberg then introduced the new Chief Of Staff, Jack Dorsey, who just “happens to be the CEO of Twitter“, and Sundar Pichai, the CEO of Google, who will serve as the Minister of Propaganda.