Washington, D.C. – According to the CDC, here are the five symptoms to look for to see if you may be suffering from severe Monkypox:
- You have a strong craving for bananas.
- You’re actively flinging feces.
- You have a desire to tell Charlton Heston to ‘keep his damn stinking paws off you!‘
- You’re currently eating mites from your friends hair.
- You’re clinging to the Empire State building swiping at helicopters.
If you have any of these symptoms do not seek medical care. You’re already dead.