Key West, FL – A recent poll revealed that the majority of sea turtles prefer plastic straws up their nostrils over cotton swabs by a margin of 90%.
Back in 2019 many cities enacted a ban on straws when the plastic pollution found its way into our oceans and right up sea turtles small sniffers. Now, with the influx of waste from COVID-19 rapid tests, turtles are being discovered with long cotton swabs jammed firmly up their snoots causing most turtles to long for the “good ol’ days.”
“The results were shocking.” Head researcher of the study revealed. “The poll offered the turtles three options; plastic straws, cotton swabs or nothing. Most chose plastic straws.”
“Swabs are the worst, bro!” A local sea turtled explained. “You can’t breath out of dry cotton and it’s not bendable like a straw. Plus this swab has most definitely been in someone else’s nose! Gross!”
“We shove plastic straws up our noses on purpose.” A group of turtles, crabs and fish disclosed. “Then we use it as a snorkel so we never have to go to the surface. We stay right here on the ocean floor. Such wonderful things surround you. What more is you lookin’ for?” The sea creatures then went into a dance number and sang Under The Sea from the hit Disney film, The Little Mermaid.
The researchers are frantically looking for a solution such as reusable cotton swabs because they know COVID will never be over and we’ll be doing nasal tests until the end of time.
