Palm Beach, FL – Millions of Americans who had expressed some concern over the Covid-19 vaccine have been lining up to finally get the shot after hearing the words of Sirius-XM shock jock Howard Stern.
“I’m absolutely embarrassed! I didn’t realize how my decision to not get vaccinated negatively impacted Howard Stern’s freedom.” An anti-vaxxer groaned while waiting in line at CVS. “I was blind to the fact that because I’m an idiot, Mr. Stern wasn’t able to do things– like go next door to play chess or get Froyo at Humphrey Yogarts.”
Many Americans also expressed gratitude for the bravery Howard Stern showed when he called out their selfish stupidity.
“I had Covid and now test positive for the anti-bodies so I didn’t think I needed to get vaccinated but f— my freedoms!” Another onlooker lamented. “When I heard Mr. Sterns powerful words I finally understood my error. I mean, how do you expect that man to live quarantined in his tiny New York mega-penthouse or his castle in the Hamptons— or his Palm Beach mansion? How could I be so selfish!”
Experts agree the best way to convince a person to do something they don’t want to do is to insult their intelligence. “If you call a dumb person a stupid-head a few times they will eventually do what you say because they’re idiots.” A Harvard phycologist explained. “Also, if you want total obedience be sure to laugh at their misfortunes.”
As the newly vaccinated morons were leaving the clinic many were spotted throwing off their masks, French kissing and screaming, “Just like Howard Stern said — we’re cured!”