Boston, MA – A recent poll from the Bard Institute shows that the majority of Americans would rather suffer the sweet relief of global warming rather than hear the shrill lecturing of Swedish climate activist, Greta Thunberg.
“I’m huge on saving the planet, so I watch the climate summit every year,” An online viewer shared. “But when I heard Greta screaming, ‘blah, blah, blah,’ for the 12th time I dropped to my knees and prayed for the good Lord to smite our planet into smithereens.”
“You are doing nothing!!!” Thunberg recently scolded a crowd of thousands outside of the United Nations climate summit. “Because of YOU and YOUR choices! OUR WORLD WILL PERISH!”
“Well, we explained the severe effects of global warming, droughts, heatwaves, rising sea levels,” A researcher who was part of the study disclosed. “Basically the worst parts of the bible. We found most of the participants would implore the earth to open up and swallow them whole after about 10 seconds of Thunberg’s lectures.”
The institute is now looking into the effects of Thunberg’s lectures on Los Angeles Traffic.