San Francisco, CA – As the world reacts to Donald Trump, Kanye West, Jordan Peterson and Andrew Tate finally being released from Twitter jail, Elon Musk has reinstated even more controversial persons:
The Noid: The former Domino’s mascot was fired in 2020 for refusing to get a 4th COVID-19 booster whilst shouting, “Avoid the CO-VOID!” He wasn’t banned from Twitter for spreading vaccine disinformation, rather for his poor use of puns.
That bald guy from Just The Ten Of Us: Twitter originally banned Bill Kirchenbauer for being dead but have now reinstated him realizing that he’s alive and well, and living in Austin. It’s just his career that died.
Emperor Palpatine: Although most people think Darth Sidious would be banned for attempting to build a Death Star super-weapon that could annihilate entire planets, he was actually banned for misgendering Caitlyn Jenner. Palpatine got in further hot water when, at a Star Wars convention, he famously said, “May the force be with you” instead of the gender-neutral, “May the force be with THEY.”
Jake From All-State: The oddly buff actor was quickly removed from Twitter after most people assumed he was a bot account brought to life with CGI. Turns out he’s just a terrible actor.
That gross booger from those Mucinex commercials: Mr. J. Booger Musinex (birth name James Booger Fallon) was exposed in a New York Times 2020 op-ed piece reveling that he had never ONCE infected anyone with allergy symptoms, and was indeed appropriating, “Loogie Culture” and only claiming to be a booger.
UPDATE: Mr. Booger Muinex now identifies as Mx. Eye Gunk.