Fair Oaks, CA – California Governor Gavin Newsom, has calmly assured residents of the Golden State that the rolling blackouts will have no effect on his six-bedroom, 12,000-square-foot Mediterranean mansion.
“I can confidently announce,” Newsom said while wearing a fleece jacket. “That my air-conditioning is currently set at an icy 68-degrees and I have no plans of changing that.”
“I know Californians are facing dark days due to the current strain on our electrical grid.” he added. “But you can all sleep peacefully knowing that my hot tub will stay heated, my wine cellar chilled and the commercial lights on my pickle-ball court will remain lit.”
The Governor then somberly disclosed: “And regardless of this states ‘Un-Housed’ epidemic, I can also assure you that there are absolutely no homeless people anywhere near my private gated community. And, if I may also add, my local French Laundry restaurant has yet to be impacted by food shortages.”
Before closing his speech Newsom emphatically explained. “I’ve made sacrifices. I have already shut off all electricity to my servants quarters.”
Newsom was last seen sitting in his air-conditioned Escalade watching his gardener mow the lawn with scissors.
