Stockholm, Sweden – Greta Thunberg has finally weighed in on the disastrous consequences the Russian invasion of Ukraine is having on the environment.
“We have only one planet!” Thunberg pleaded at a recent summit. “I DEMAND Ukrainian soldiers to use Solar-Powered molotov cocktails and stop polluting the world with DEADLY greenhouse emissions! If you LOVE your children, YOU will BE THE CHANGE!”
The molotov cocktail, which consists of a glass bottle filled with gasoline and a cloth wick, has been an effective explosive device for years.
The all new Solar-Powered molotov cocktail replaces gasoline with silicon wafers, which absorbs energy from the sun and produces an electrical charge. Studies have shown that if the intended target waits around for a few hours the glass bottle can become extremely “hot to the touch.”
“What GOOD is war if we don’t have a planet to fight for!” Thunberg ranted before shifting gears. “I applaud the Russians for using RECYCLED tanks. I applaud the Russians for cutting off electricity, water and heat to the Ukrainian citizens. They are FINALLY conserving ESSENTIAL natural resources, whether they know it or NOT! BRAVO!”
Thunberg also praised the thousands of escaping Ukrainians who are combating global warming by walking to the Polish border instead of driving. The fiery environmentalist then closed her speech with the decree, “The war will not end until Ukraine and Russia implement a plastic straw ban to SAVE the turtles!”