Atlanta, GA – CNN is hailing president Joe Biden as a deep philosophical thinker for stopping mid-sentence during a town hall to ask, “What am I doing here?” And now the news network is calling him “zen-like” for falling asleep during the UN Climate Change Summit.
“I mean what are any of us doing here?” CNN anchor, Brian Stelter, exclaimed during his show, Reliable Sources. “The president is simply asking the age old existential question we all face. He is the Zen-Master-In-Chief ! Am I right!?” Stelter added, waiting for laughter that never came.
Philosophy expert, Kevin Lobe, Ph.D, was on hand to discuss the moment Biden dozed off during a climate lecture. “Don’t mistake the noise he made for snoring.” Lobe explained. “That was not snoring, rather it was the vibration of his brain rattling around his skull because he was in deep thought.”
“Fox news is going to twist this and call him a senile old man for suffering from the same affliction we all suffer from, forgetfulness.” Stelter quipped. “Like, forgetting your wallet. Or forgetting your wife’s name. Or forgetting to poop in a toilet.”
The White House confirmed that Biden constantly challenges himself with deep questions. “He’ll stare at a potted plant in the situation room and asks questions like, ‘Are you my mother? and, ‘What’s that smell?‘” A source close to the president revealed.
As of this report the president was spotted in the rose garden slumped over, talking to his belly button for hours.