Washington, DC – With the news of a new Covid variant on the horizon, White House Chief Medical Advisor and savior, Dr. Anthony S. Fauci, was spotted walking out of a dog pound with a burlap sack full of adorable beagles.
“We are in the early stages of this new Omicron variant and we don’t want to be caught with our pants down like last time.” A staff member from the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases (NIAID) disclosed. “Dr. Fauci told us to prepare some cages and parasite-carrying sand flies whilst he went on a puppy-run. I just hope he has time to stop at Starbucks. I need a pick-me-up!”
The NIAID organization, led by Dr. Fauci, recently came under fire for allegedly funding cruel animal testing experiments which he has vehemently denied.
“Uh, think about it,” the NIAID staff member emphatically added. “Why would Dr. Fauci test the vaccine on dogs when he has the entire U.S. population as test subjects?”
Dr. Fauci refused to answer any questions as he loaded up his Tesla with the bundle of beagles. He was last seen at a Starbucks drive-thru ordering 48 Puppuccinos.
