McLean, VA – In a historical move for gender inclusivity Mars, Inc. announced that the M&M female characters will be more “inclusive” so we can live in a world where everyone feels a sense of “belonging and community.”
“Before this announcement I’d wander the streets wondering if I would ever fit in.” A blue-haired feminist disclosed. “I avoided M&M’s because of their sexist agenda. But now I’ll start eating 5 bags a day. Soon I’ll be able to join a community when I’m getting dialysis 3 times a week plus daily insulin injections. Girl power!”
The green M&M will exchange her go-go boots for sneakers and the brown M&M will have her high heels lowered to a professional height to “better to reflect confidence and empowerment, as a strong female.”
“Most of our customers are men.” Cathryn Sleight, Mars chief growth officer announced at a press conference. “So in an effort to pander, I mean, reach out to the female community the green and brown M&M are now unapologetically feminine. They’ll do more girly things but not too girly because a girl can sometimes do guy things. Even though guy things and girl things is problematic in its own right. Being girly can also be manly whilst recognizing that sex is a social construct and genders are fluid. Umm…. I forgot what we were talking about.”
“Wait, aren’t M&M’s just chocolate candies that melt in your mouth, not in your hand?” A reporter asked before he was screamed at for gas-lighting M&Ms.
“We are all about fostering community and togetherness!” Sleight firmly reiterated. “Belonging means everyone has a voice. If you don’t agree maybe you don’t belong here. Show of hands if you think we should just sell candy?”
A few reporters tentatively raised their hands and as of this report were spotted at the new M&M Re-Education Factory being educated on their privilege.
