Washington, DC – The Biden administration has responded to concerns regarding a $30 million program that would provide “safe smoking kits” and other drug paraphernalia to non-profits to reduce infections among drug addicts.
“Safety is our number one priority.” A CDC representative explained. “So we have released a new set of COVID guidelines for addicts who plan on picking up a free crack-pipe.”
CDC Crack-Pipe Safety Guidelines:
- Mask required unless actively ripping a pipe load
- Users must be at least 6 feet away from each other
- Wash burnt fingers before and after smoking
- Discard teeth bits properly to avoid contamination
- In addition to a mask, a plastic face shield must be worn if user decides to aggressively scream at hallucinations
- Crack-pipes can be picked up at any Walgreens that hasn’t already been looted.
“We are aware that crack usage will go up.” The representative added. “But most importantly, COVID cases will go down. And that’s what’s important.”
Pfizer is also currently working on a crack-infused vaccine to help vaccinate as may addicts as possible.
