Atlanta, GA – At a recent press conference, Rochelle Walensky, the Director of the Centers for Disease Control, released a rendering of what Americans will look like after we’ve successfully slowed the spread of Covid-19.
“This photo represents the hard work of our researchers.” Walensky proudly exclaimed. “With a simple daily regime of vaccine booster shots we finally see an end in sight to this deadly pandemic.”
Walensky was quick to clarify that the scientific rendering is not 100% accurate because the man in the photo is not wearing a mask. “Look, we envision a future where Americans are back to living a normal life.” She added whilst describing a typical day. “You wake up, start your 30 minute vaccine IV drip, then do a quick home Covid test. Once it’s negative you douse your body in hand sanitizer, put on your N95 mask and head to your computer to start your job via Zoom. It’s that simple!”
When asked why she was using a photo of Pinhead from the 1987 movie Hellraiser, Walensky screamed, “I will tear your soul apart!!!” Then a portal opened up and Cenobite demons dragged Walensky into a realm of carnal pleasures to subject her to the extremes of sadomasochism.
