North Pole – In coordination with the CDC, the North Pole has announced a mandate which requires all children ages 0-14 to provide proof of vaccination before Santa Claus will deliver any presents.
“We’re asking parents to leave their child’s vaccination card out with the milk and cookies. We’ll also accept a negative Covid test within 24-hours.” The Chief Medical Elf at Santa’s Workshop explained. “We’re not too concerned because most of the un-vaccinated anti-science kids are on the naughty list anyway.”
This news comes after the recent controversial removal of Rudolf the Red-Nosed Anti-Vaxxer from his position as Lead Reindeer for refusing to get the 4th Covid booster shot.
“Look, our biggest concern is Santa getting Covid because he’s riddled with so many underlying comorbidities.” The elf added. “Santa’s a germ spreading fat slob who won’t stop carb loading! And that jolly old tub-of-goo refuses to stop kissing your mommy underneath the mistletoe!”
Critics of the new policy have suggested that this mandate disproportionately affects poor people who don’t have access to the vaccine. The North Pole was quick to label them as “science deniers.”
