Chicago, IL – On the heals of being released from jail Jussie Smollett was spotted hosting an autograph signing at Barnes & Noble promoting his new book, ‘If I Did It‘. The new book puts forth a “hypothetical” description of how Smollett would have accomplished the racially motivated hate crime…which he totally, 100% did NOT do.
“Let me repeat — I did not commit a race hoax.” Smollett clarified at the signing. “But if I did – this book details how I would theoretically do it. Plus it has photos.”
Smollett then discussed the fake scenario: “First I would hire two really sexy, buff black dudes. Then I would tell them to wait outside a Subway at 2am in subzero weather and when they see me walking out with a five-dollar foot-long, scream, ‘Hey Empire – this is MAGA country!’ Then rough me up and call an Uber. Finally, I’d pay them with a personal check for their troubles. It’s the perfect crime! And the fact that I know how to get away scot-free should prove that I’m totally innocent. Case closed!”
The title of Smollett’s book is a reference to O.J. Simpson’s 2007 book, ‘If I Did It’, which he released shortly after he was acquitted of murder.”I’m just following the footsteps of another man who was wrongfully accused.” Smollett explained. “You’ve heard the Juice is loose? Well now the Juicy is loosy!”
Smollett ended the book signing explaining that he plans on spending the rest of his living days on a golf course searching for the real hoaxer.
